i overheard my wife talking about me

Regardless, hilarious. It sounds like she is uncomfortable with discussing issues with you that she thinks will upset you until she has to but by then the damage is already done. Although, bi men have it way worse. Created by your wife. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. Saying that it was simply too small. People do stupid shit. This isn't your fault. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. I think it's too late for couples counseling. People are weak sometimes. Your wife really messed up. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. Forgive them anyway. This is a recipe that you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even a bad day. She doesnt respect you, man. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do I will always defend my guy. I suggest an open minded conversation. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. I agree with this comment as a bi person! If you need more time to yourself, take it. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. This was betrayal. Let her know how betrayed you feel. She just let it slip. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. It seems like it doesnt bother your one guy friend all that much and maybe having it a little out in the open will be nice. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Dude, I am so sorry. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. She continued to ignore my boundary. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! Now, this is fine! We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. This right here. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. We never fight. You deserve so much better than this. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Fuck how you want to fuck. At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Oh come.A- at least. Shitty situation man. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. Again this is a guess. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? Be happy anyway. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. 2. I can understand your hurt, and breach of trust, but people act stupid sometimes. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. In this day and age? She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Also she devolved some abusivo behaviour which, according to her was due to the lack of sex. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. Her to like the same shit you go?? And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Your wife is a cowered. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Do you love her more than anything? German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Neither is divorce. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. I'm sorry. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. Maybe suggest that. She outed you. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. She violated a boundary. Birds of a feather flock together. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. I feel for you and wish you the best. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? You are not overreacting. One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? How would she feel, how would she react, etc. I am not open about my sexuality. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. Therapy is what you need. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! You deserve better treatment from her. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. At 31 years old! I think you handled that really well. I'm just saying people can be stupid. THAT is a stand up friend. I 100% understand why you're so upset. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. How disgusting can she be? And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. What she did is not a simple mistake. Exactly! Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. 1.) I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. Couples therapy. This doesnt excuse anything. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. She has betrayed your trust. Good luck! The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. My suggestion? Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. So much this. I hope you can work it out. I am honestly at a loss. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. I had no privacy. And without trust, you have nothing. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? Sending you my best OP. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Period.. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. Thats punishment enough for some. For years. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. But it needs to be on your terms. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. See how it flushes out. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Your wife have no sense of conjugality. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. Fuck this situation. Ok. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. So props to you. I mean i think you can talk it out?? She hurt you fucking badly. Ban the girls from the house. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. Right I mean she volunteered stuff when she could have kept her mouth shut. Sorry if this is all over the place. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. That was extra stupid. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. That that is a topic of conversation is absurd. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. Fuck her. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? It sucks. Take a few more days. Best of luck with whatever you decide! First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. It sounds like her friends are shit. She's lying to you to save face. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. 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