my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

We only see each other when it involves our kids. Still so many ignorant about abuse! I dont know what to do? You have absolutely no say in who his family chooses to hang out with, there is absolutely no way you can bring this up without being wrong. Life starts to become bl**dy brilliant. I have full custody of two of my kids and I am divorced. This closeness wasnt something I was prepared for. Unbelievable. This can include painting the ktber person as a bad parent, struggling to cope etc. Perhaps you could suggest that? Bless you. My ex husband called my job to try to get me fired, put nails in my tires, dated a friend of mine, and did many other awful things which my family is well aware of yet my mother still has coffee in his house and communicates with him behind my back. Thats why its called a DIVORCE you need to get them to understand that. Once you get her position on all of this, for better or worse, you will know what is to be. Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together. My mom confessed a week ago that her and my sister lied to me about why there were no get togethers for the holidays like we usually do. Not cool. What Went Wrong? To me there is an unspoken rule that if you divorce, your family should be automatically in your corner and supporting you. I feel your family and your ex-husband have disregarded your feelings altogether. Its heart breaking. Wanting your childrens family to be determined by what you would like is unfair to them and denies them the connection they obviously enjoy having. I do think when a few years has passed however and the initial hurt fading you have decide whether it is best to leave estrangement as it is. (Well actually they get along most of the time which is pretty cool well sometimes) my point is seems you/shes foucoused on the time her kids arent with her and what there doing without her. If you're starting to doubt yourself, get a second opinion - from friends, family, or myself, as a dating and relationship coach. There is such a list of things he had and hadnt done. A true predator truly gets off on being ONE UP on their ex or another person. My husband waited a few mi to see if shed say anything about it to him. Ps. You will live if you have Thanksgiving with your kids. I am saddened but grateful to have found this post by chance. How you can not show any interest in your flesh and blood is beyond me but like you say you realise you are happier and healthier without these kind of relationships. I tried to make them understand how it felt like they were patting him on the back and letting him know hes a good person even though he did these things to me. Again Im told that her pain in her divorce is not different from my pain. You cant fix anyone of them and you certainly cant make them selfless. Thank you for sharing, Since the death of my father my uncle have be maltreating me and making me depressed , i almost commented suicide due to the way i was been treated in the family. These posts confirm my feelings. Same happened to myself, I havent spoken too my family in over a decade, horrible disrespectful thing to happen. Am I wrong to feel this way? Mind you I was 13 and he was 22, so who is really to blame? 2017-But my mother and sister again met with my daughter and her mother over the past winter. ", My situation is a little different but kinda the same. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive. So thank you. I was invited to this small wedding but my ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle. xx. I was having some misunderstanding with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband do not come home anymore and he was seeking for a divorce. You divorced him and he you, not any of them. You should be taking the children to go see his family as well. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! Perhaps instead of the wronged people being expected to do all the forgiving the enablers should take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and the part they played and ask for forgiveness themselves. They all hang out together. Same here, my dad and sister are freinds with her on fb. and respect your feelings at the time. My chosen family are very happy to have gained 3 wonderful, smart, loving people into their wonderful loving group. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have family days at the park, go shooting, go out to dinner or breakfast, etc. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! I have not been close with my sister since that time, but were cordial in family situations, not uncomfortable. If someone leaves; the relationship was not healthy or working and often the person who stays is given undeserved sympathy and has a far easier time of it than the person who was brave enough to walk away and start again. Some people appear to be good because its a manipulative act. Would I actually have to go to such lengths? He doesnt like it either, but Its very likely that if he doesnt muster up enough courage to say something, that this will affect our relationship moving forward. There isnt a relationship with the ex anymore so both the family and I are free to choose independently. and trying to take my son away from me (not his bio son! I get to hear about all the things my ex does with my family instead. I feel so much for you. Today it took my breath to see my brother and sister-in-law friends with them on Facebook. God Bless! It is difficult to comment on your description of the other side. I couldnt wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. My boyfriend Tom dated Nina for 3 years (They broke up in 2017). You are leaving out all of the bat shit crazy things that you have done to drive your family to choose your more sane and rational ex over you. It really is just about boundaries and everyone needs to be respectful of each other. I have not spoke to them in 5 years. I try really hard to do whats best for my kids. My ex-wife and I were married for 12 years and had no children together. They are doing this to be evil. For 18 years her husband was a son and brother to our family. Im struggling a lot and constantly thinking of cutting my partners too for what they are doing So yh, I can empathize with you and Im so sorry youre going through this I know its frustrating and saddening but theres nothing we can do. Start researching!!! Who wants to ride that emotional rollercoaster with people??? Its the absolute best outcome for everyone if you do the work within yourself to not let the presence of another affect you so profoundly. If not, there should be no renewed friendship.. Im finally divorced, but lost my eldest son through death due to drugs. Watch Out For These 14 Warning Signs, 17 Texting Secrets That Will Get Him HOOKED & Fall In Love With You, Why your man might still be thinking about his ex and how. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. My ex is invited to every family holiday and family reunion.If I refuse to go because of him its canceled or theyll have one without inviting me.I havent had a family to speak of for 25 yrs.We once were close but after I divorced him he stayed at their house complaining that I divorced him.Never mind the fact that he cheated on me repeatedly and treated me horrendous.I guess they like him more than me honestly.I spend every holiday alone while he spends his with them.We have no family photos that dont have him in them.Hes been married twice since our divorce but is single again.Im a widow. I was tired of being hateful. Putting all the blame on her like you did was unfair. I remember my x perents really liked the old x. "If your ex doesnt want you to be friends with his or her family, you should respect that and back off," Masini says. last week my husband has presented me with divorce papers, I was shocked again and confused to see my husband. He sadly lost his life in his early forties and I wouldnt be surprised if it was suicide because of the emotional problems he was left with because of his upbringing. He needs to take your side instead of playing into his mother's silly games. This is my take, and perhaps you are not going to appreciate it but, here it is. I am in a very similar situation. I guess sometimes things work out. Shes been invited to my cousins wedding. They, however, see a good dad and boyfriend. If the ex-wife has a problem with that, she can stay home herself. Their actions seem strangeas if they are attempting to spite you. With all due respect we arent talking about reasonably well adjusted people who simply get on with exes for the sake of the family unit. Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. Your ex sounds psycho, honestly. Know that youre not alone in this! He hasn't cleaned up her stuff yet 2. The reality is many times we are still aunt or uncle to the children of siblings, independent of the divorce. I finally got him to move in with me and he is no longer in a dark place. And when he goes to events, you are uncomfortable enough not to attend. I somehow dont think they will care but thats there problem. I completely understand how you feel. And he did spell on her so that she will never have nothing to do with me and my kids for that, my kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle without mother care for them, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went on-line there I saw so many good talk about this marriage reunion spell caster. Being that we live in an age where relationship milestones are categorized by Facebook updates, social media outlets have become more of an emotional rollercoaster when dealing with an already hurtful situation. Even going as far as making it clear that he wishes she could be included, offering to not be there etc. Your family needs to respect your choice in divorcing him and cut ties as well. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). 100% it is not ok for you to be treated this poorly by your family. The same goes for texting her. It makes me so sad that on top of hurting me so deeply directly, my ex also trashed my family relationship on the way out the door. I commend these amazing people, they truly are amazing parents. About a year and a half after my divorce, my little sister and her husband decided to move from California to be closer to us. I lost my child, family and home. reader, spiderweb+, writes (23 August 2010): Already have an account? If your entire family, including your parents like the guy, maybe he wasnt so bad? this is clearly just a lack of boundaries,and it is horrible, sorry I can relate! What happens if there is a bbq or party and your both there expect you have a new partner now? I have a young son and daughter but I love my in-laws and see no need to sever my ties with them just because my wife ended our marriage. Usually a good relationship with the family is a reason to stay so if she got out anyway then she doesn't want to go back. It is wrong to hurt your child or sibling in any form of abuse, and this is emotional abuse. He talks crap about them behind their backs, continues to stalk me and try and ruin everything I do (even gets the secret gate code to where I live!) I want all of your contacts so we can all be friends . To my surprise, when I needed my family, they were not there for me but for him! She was mad when I took him to play baseball near my house (on her Exs day) And she called the church to say that he was not to go to Religious Education anymore. That is so damn insensitive. My kids dont want to stand up for me as grown children and say why is our mother shunned from everything, its between her and our dad. Ive been dating Tom for 1 year and our relationship is perfect, but it bothers me a little how close Nina is to his family. He was also invited over to my sisters for Christmas and my husband and I had dinner at our house. Apparently she saw the X ( the divorce was 20+ years ago) through mutual friends last month and he asked her if she thought I would want to hang out with him and his large group of friends, and. He said he was working on himself as he went through several women and moved in with the last one months after meeting her. A joke. Its your family who need to see a psychologist! The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. Do you have any idea how many divorces go wrong, where one parent or both are manipulating, jealous etc. They need to see your perspective. What a niave view of a relationship. I thought by now the in-law relationships would be less, well, intrusive. It can be tough to lose a member of an ex's family as a friend, but ultimately, blood is thicker than water, and it can be critical to respect their desires as it pertains to their family. It's bizarre that she's still hovering around, 15 years later. Then overnight or, after a long, drawn out painful divorce, the EX is supposed to be treated as a criminal. Who Is Naomi Osakas Boyfriend? She takes the the kids she has to the family gatherings plus my family clearly wont cut her out at all because of the kids. He needs to get his own life and move on and get off your turf ! It is a powerless feeling and sometimes I feel so insignificant I wonder if should just end my life. When it comes down to it, it doesn't take a genius to see where her. The Divorce Play List: Should I Stay or Should I Go Now, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, 3 Things to Do if Your Parenting Plan is Not Being Followed, Why Some Women are Against Child Support & Support Enforcement. We were good friends, he backed off from my sister because he seen me alot, he still had feelings for me I did not. Sending you a hug xx. Your family can be yours and can still be his. He goes to her house during the holidays. He is an airline pilot so my family are in awe of him. You need to control your reaction. "If your partner tends to make late-night calls to his or her ex after you're asleep, it's because they have an intimate relationship that doesn't include you, Masini tells Elite Daily. I dont usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. If you make peace with yourself and forgive what/who needs forgiveness you can embrace this with love, acceptance and gratitude. In closing, if you have doubts about the boundaries your boyfriend has or doesn't have with his ex, you need to talk to him and ask him for an honest answer: is he in it for the kid and the friendship, or is he still in love? My family has caused me the greatest hurt of my divorce. We need to teach our children how their decision impacts not only them but the entire family. So, dont burn bridges.!!! We both told our exes about our marriage on our own terms. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? She is 8 now. Its like they rather spend time with him than you. 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. My ex was barely around during or 20 year marriage. My battle is to continue to heal, so that these situations of utter madness do not continue to hurt me. if you dont state your case now it will only get worse. Please stop subjecting yourself to this cruelty. Like, irritates her to no end. Lowest of the low. Every time I pick them up, I hear the stories of what they did. I can understand how all of this may feel to you , but isnt it a good thing hes that involved in your childrens life? Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you dont get to pick and choose the ones you like. Staying friends with exes is one thing, but staying friends with their families is something completely different. 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